


Gaining Humanity

by 2Minutes2Midnight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, M/M, Post-Episode: s14e13 Lebanon, Season/Series 14 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 21:56:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19450288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2Minutes2Midnight/pseuds/2Minutes2Midnight
Summary: As Dean fills Castiel in on what he'd missed, he reminisces about what it means to gain humanity as an angel.





	Gaining Humanity

Coda to “Lebanon”

Castiel listened intently as Dean regaled him of what he'd missed. It was strange that he missed a whole day that he had no recollection of. A day he had gone back to being a fully powered angel of the lord. Working at Zachariah's side. Internally, he shuddered. He was relieved that Dean had fulfilled his promise to stab that assbutt in the face all those years ago. Still, he lamented that he'd roughed up Sam and Dean.

Once again, Castiel found himself grateful for Dean's influence. Before rescuing Dean from hell he'd been a soulless machine. Follow orders, don't think, don't feel. It had been Dean teaching humanity to Castiel that had been the real deciding factor of the apocalypse. Castiel's doubt lead to free will and choice. Choices that derailed the plans of Michael for the great battle. Amazing how a human, fragile and insignificant was able to completely rewrite god's plan with the help of a fallen angel.

“Nice as it was to get closure, I sure am glad you're back, Cas.”

Castiel squinted slightly, willing himself to catch up mentally to where Dean was in the story. After a moment he nodded solemnly.

“Everytime I am reminded of how completely you've changed me, I am relieved that we made those choices back then. A decade ago. I understand for you that is a significant amount of time. It feels that way to me as well, having spent so much of the last decade here on Earth. Thank you for showing me another way, Dean.”

Dean sighed. “You were different. I always knew it. But would you do the same thing again? If you knew it would cost you everything?”

Castiel smiled softly. “Not everything, Dean.”

Castiel glanced away, a vacant look on his face for a brief moment as he considered all he'd given for the Winchesters, all he was still willing to give. His mind drifted to meeting himself in the other dimension.

It had been so strange, seeing himself. Or rather, another version of himself. It was reminiscent of looking in a fun house mirror. Instinctively he knew it was him, but it was distorted, twisted beyond recognition. Like him, the other Castiel could not fly. It was the first thing he had noticed; the twisted and shredded wings. Not unlike his own which were burned to char from the spell Metatron used his grace for.

The other Castiel had been completely under Michael's thumb. As he himself had once been, before meeting Dean. Indirectly of course. Castiel was not high enough in rank to get an audience with an archangel. But then he pulled Dean from hell. And Dean, well...Dean changed everything.

“We are not so different, you and I.” his other self had sneered. Momentarily, Castiel had reflected upon that before agreeing. He took note of the cloudy eye; knowing full well where that injury had come from. Repeated sessions in the chair, strapped down, obedience drilled into his head. A cold slithery emotion slid across his grace as an image of a white room and Naomi's face appeared in his mind. He noted the weakness in his other self, the tremors. His vessel was badly damaged and he was not powerful enough to even repair it.

It had been Dean who got through to him in the end. Dean had freed him from Naomi's mind control. He wondered briefly if there had been a human like Dean, if this Castiel would be different. Maybe. But that was the difference, wasn't it? Why the other world was so twisted and desolate? It was a world in which Mary refused Azazel's deal. A world where Sam and Dean were never born.

He had been telling the truth when he told Dean all those years ago that there was no changing the past. Things happened exactly as they needed to. Unfortunately that included much suffering for the Winchesters.

He turned back to his current task, his mind slipping only for a fraction of a second. The benefits to angelic grace. Being able to analyze and process information much faster than a human's brain could. Light travels faster than the electricity and neurotransmitters that limit humans, after all.

Castiel returned his attention to his other world. This sniveling, bitter creature. He ended the weakened angel quickly. Sam and Dean needed him. He gazed at his other self for a small, brief moment. He looked peaceful in death. For such an existence, it was probably a mercy.

Physical appearance was not the only similarity. Though he tried to avoid it, he knew he had no problem torturing humans for information when necessary. Especially if they were a threat to Sam and Dean. This other, strange angel was no different. Torturing and killing humans at Michael's behest. Long ago Castiel realized he was no longer doing it for his father, or the universe, or even humanity. It all came down to Dean. Every single time.

Just as Metatron had suspected.

“You draped yourself in the flag of Heaven, but ultimately it all was about saving one human, right?”

Castiel slipped out of his introspection to level a sincere gaze at Dean.

“There is not a thing in this universe that I would trade for our time together, Dean.”

Dean let out a slow breath as he felt warmth bloom in his chest. He ducked his head slightly, a small smile creeping across his face.

“Thanks Cas.” he murmured, offering the angel a soft pat on the shoulder as he turned in for the night. Now, more than ever, he was glad he listened to Sam and Cas. He would find the strength to withstand Michael one more night.

For Castiel.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when the episode first came out and completely forgot to post it. Oops.


End file.
